ok well its thanksgiving break and i haven't updated in like ever... so i figured i would... well i am incredibly bored, and i miss transy... yeah i’ve only been gone like a day... lol and that's weird b/c in like a month and a half(or less) i will be in australia... away from everyone for like 4 months... and it kinda scares me... a lot... i mean i am loving school this year... well not the classes and the abundance of work... but everything else is awesome...
there has been way too much drama for my liking... grrr... i'm not even involved in all of it, but somehow i get pulled into it... stupid girls lol... but yeah i've been partying a lot... and showing people another side of me that involves the wildness known as me... the truth is, lol, i have always been wild, but no one at transy has seen my drunken moments... lol its quite amusing actually... but yeah... maybe i’m getting too old for it all...
i am known as the "bad girl"... i;m the best friend... the one that no one considers dating b;.c i’m “too good of a friend” or they happen to love the girl that everyone loves... the one that seems to get everything...
but then again... for those that are interested... . i'm the one that always gets away... i'm the girl that hurts people before they can hurt me... I don't get attached... i don't let myself... but when it all comes down to it... i'm alone... maybe its better to be hurt and have had someone, than had no one worthwhile... guh i'm ranting and perpetually confused...
everyone thinks they know me, but actually i’m not who everyone thinks i am... heck i don't think i'm even who I think i am right now... but yeah anyways... for the first time in my life... i want to change... i want to be wanted... i want to have feelings for someone and them actually continue and be mutual... i want to love... eek that word scares me... but i guess that's what taking risks is all about... or as my roommate would say, i need to evaluate the potential gains against the potential losses...
if only... i could commit for once...
and not fall for my best friends... b/c we see where that has gotten me... but yeah...
i kinda like this one guy and i know he likes me... but i don't really know what to do about it...
i mean it feels like we fit... and im sure that sounds really weird... but its the best way to explain it... he’s not my normal type... but maybe that's what i need b/c i don't think my normal type has been working... oddly enough we seem to have a lot in common... and it creeps me out... but yeah i guess i am worrying for nothing... i mean i will be gone 4 months... i’m sure someone else will be in the picture for him by then... grrrr...
i’m confused... i’m ranting... and i’m not necessarily asking for help... just venting for once...